Short Funny Quotes and Thoughts From Famous People

Are you looking for funny quotes and sayings? Is comedy and laughter your thing? They say laughter is the best medicine. Our short funny quotations, whether it is a quote by famous people, a movie quote, a celebrity quote or a generally humorous phrase will make you laugh! Share with us your funny lines.

Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious

Alan Minter

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted.

George Best

Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country.

Ian Rush

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

Mark Twain

Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.

Emo Phillips

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.

Jennifer Unlimited

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.

Gilbert Chesterton

Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial "we".

Mark Twain

Life is rather like a can of sardines: we're all of us looking for the key.

Alan Bennett

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Mark Twain

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Socrates

Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family.

Homer Simpson

There are terrible temptations which it requires strength and courage to yield to.

Oscar Wilde

Anyone who can only think of only one way to spell a word obviously lacks imagination.

Mark Twain

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Will Rogers

Anyone who is considered funny will tell you, sometimes without even your asking, that deep inside they are very serious, neurotic, introspective people.

Wendy Wasserstein

The most important service rendered by the press is that of educating people to approach printed matter with distrust.

Samuel Butler

The only way of catching a train I ever discovered is to miss the train before.

Gilbert Chesterton

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